lookit!

I am a horrible person.

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:06:56 GMT

Because it might do best the job of explaining,

pokedigimaniac17 (1:17:21 AM): Boooo you are still offline
blackerose07 signed on at 2:35:33 AM.
blackerose07 (2:35:38 AM): No I'm not!
blackerose07 (2:35:45 AM): Hooray, intarwebz are back!
pokedigimaniac17 (2:35:45 AM): What
pokedigimaniac17 (2:35:47 AM): Yay Internets
pokedigimaniac17 (2:35:49 AM): <3
pokedigimaniac17 (2:35:54 AM): I was getting ready to start counting
blackerose07 (2:35:56 AM): <3<3
blackerose07 (2:35:59 AM): Heh
pokedigimaniac17 (2:36:05 AM): Did you get my messages before you went offline?
blackerose07 (2:36:06 AM): Listen, my heart
pokedigimaniac17 (2:36:08 AM): Mm?
blackerose07 (2:36:11 AM): I have been offline for about 12 hours now
blackerose07 (2:36:14 AM): ANd I have been thinking.
blackerose07 (2:36:18 AM): I need to talk to you
blackerose07 (2:36:22 AM): Really need to talk to you.
pokedigimaniac17 (2:36:31 AM): About what?
blackerose07 (2:37:11 AM): You know, I have been looking forward for a long time to getting out of france
blackerose07 (2:37:16 AM): Counting days
blackerose07 (2:37:18 AM): Hours
blackerose07 (2:37:21 AM): But you know?
blackerose07 (2:37:28 AM): The closer it comes to actually LEAVING
blackerose07 (2:37:33 AM): The harder it is getting.
blackerose07 (2:37:40 AM): I mean
blackerose07 (2:37:46 AM): The situation here sucks
blackerose07 (2:37:48 AM): But that's just one family
pokedigimaniac17 (2:37:51 AM): Gaaaah I am sorry
pokedigimaniac17 (2:37:55 AM): I need to dash to the bathroom
pokedigimaniac17 (2:37:56 AM): Be right back
blackerose07 (2:38:47 AM): Outside of that... France is the most amazing place I have ever been
pokedigimaniac17 (2:42:01 AM): Erk, sorry, that was unpleasant
pokedigimaniac17 (2:42:03 AM): Please do go on
blackerose07 (2:42:04 AM): <3
blackerose07 (2:42:06 AM): I'm sorry
blackerose07 (2:42:07 AM): So
blackerose07 (2:42:08 AM): Listen.
pokedigimaniac17 (2:42:18 AM): You have my full and undivided attention
blackerose07 (2:43:03 AM): If I leave, I have to redo my visa to come back
blackerose07 (2:43:14 AM): If I stay... I already have my carte sejour 90% finished
blackerose07 (2:43:27 AM): I don't even know if I"ll be ABLE to get another visa to come back
blackerose07 (2:43:39 AM): ... Say something?
pokedigimaniac17 (2:43:44 AM): I really don't know what to say
pokedigimaniac17 (2:43:56 AM): Can you further explain what your intentions are?
blackerose07 (2:44:05 AM): I don't think I can bring myself to leave
blackerose07 (2:44:22 AM): I think that, the time that I'm still in the country, I can do job interviews, set things up, arrange them
blackerose07 (2:44:30 AM): Things that would be impossible to do in the states
blackerose07 (2:44:37 AM): I have the french skills to go to university here
blackerose07 (2:44:43 AM): Music is the same language the world 'round
blackerose07 (2:45:01 AM): Come stay with me?
pokedigimaniac17 (2:45:25 AM): ...I really don't know what to say
pokedigimaniac17 (2:45:38 AM): I would love to, but I don't know if I CAN go stay and live in a foreign country
pokedigimaniac17 (2:45:48 AM): I have a job for the next two years after I graduate
pokedigimaniac17 (2:45:59 AM): First and foremost, this needs saying
pokedigimaniac17 (2:46:02 AM): No matter what, you and I are ok
pokedigimaniac17 (2:46:03 AM): All right?
pokedigimaniac17 (2:46:18 AM): This really did just come out of nowhere
blackerose07 (2:46:25 AM): I've been thinking about it for a long while
pokedigimaniac17 (2:46:26 AM): On my end of things anyways
blackerose07 (2:46:28 AM): A long while
blackerose07 (2:46:41 AM): But I didn't want to say anything at all, becaue I thought that it was just going to go away
blackerose07 (2:47:10 AM): So... You wouldn't come stay with me?
pokedigimaniac17 (2:47:21 AM): That is incredibly harsh to say
pokedigimaniac17 (2:47:26 AM): I know you don't mean

((Right here, I started CRACKING UP ON the webcam - it was the face he made when I asked that last question that did me in. The reaction?))

pokedigimaniac17 (2:47:28 AM): OH GOD DAMN IT
pokedigimaniac17 (2:47:29 AM): WOMAN
blackerose07 (2:47:30 AM): goddamnit i am a horrible person
pokedigimaniac17 (2:47:37 AM): APRIL FOOL ON ME
pokedigimaniac17 (2:47:41 AM): I FUCKING HATE YOU
pokedigimaniac17 (2:48:04 AM): EVERYONE IS HEARING THIS STORY
pokedigimaniac17 (2:48:06 AM): EVERYONE
pokedigimaniac17 (2:48:11 AM): FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES
pokedigimaniac17 (2:48:22 AM): Do you REALIZE how terrifying that was for
pokedigimaniac17 (2:48:23 AM): me
pokedigimaniac17 (2:48:32 AM): You horrible horrible womna
pokedigimaniac17 (2:48:33 AM): woman
pokedigimaniac17 (2:48:56 AM): You know why this was even more convincing
pokedigimaniac17 (2:49:03 AM): I remember you twittering a week or two or three ago
pokedigimaniac17 (2:49:08 AM): Something almost exactly along these lines
pokedigimaniac17 (2:49:16 AM): About how now that you were leaving you realized that you were going to miss it
pokedigimaniac17 (2:49:25 AM): Goddamnit how long were you planning this for
blackerose07 (2:49:26 AM): I fucking hate myself for cracking up
blackerose07 (2:49:32 AM): I was going to keep that going for a lot longer
pokedigimaniac17 (2:49:37 AM): I THANK you for cracking up
pokedigimaniac17 (2:49:45 AM): Otherwise I might have been legitimately pissed
pokedigimaniac17 (2:49:53 AM): That was very well done and adequately length'd
pokedigimaniac17 (2:49:57 AM): But really
pokedigimaniac17 (2:50:01 AM): How long were you planning that for?
blackerose07 (2:50:04 AM): Since when am I only adequate?
blackerose07 (2:50:12 AM): I just put it up on Facebook
blackerose07 (2:50:17 AM): I was going to tell the Story tomorrow
blackerose07 (2:50:26 AM): It is April Fools, after all
pokedigimaniac17 (2:50:32 AM): So question
blackerose07 (2:50:32 AM): also, let me read up from when I was cracking up
pokedigimaniac17 (2:50:36 AM): Yes please
pokedigimaniac17 (2:50:53 AM): But when you get back down, I need to know 1) How long you were planning for and 2) was the offlining part of it?
blackerose07 (2:50:54 AM): *done*
blackerose07 (2:51:08 AM): 1 - I have only been planning it since last night
blackerose07 (2:51:19 AM): 2 - no, the offlining was a total and complete accident
blackerose07 (2:51:22 AM): and actually ruined my plans
blackerose07 (2:51:33 AM): As I was going to spring my trap at midnight FranceTime

For those of you who don't feel like reading through all that... Yeah. I am totally coming home as originally planned, with no alterations. That was just an amazingly fun April Fool's prank. It is a little after 11 here, so I should let you all know what's up - otherwise it'd be cheating.

Heee. I derived much sadistic pleasure from this ^^

Thoughts and Changes

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 07:15:12 GMT

Right... Two weeks since I let the Food thing fall off... I couldn't even make it a week.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about.

This is more an announcement than an update or the like. I mean, I have been thinking about it forever, but I didn't want to say anything - I thought that it would pass eventually. I thought I could wait it out.

France is the most amazing place I have ever been in my life. Paris is... the entire world. The people, the places, it's just... There aren't words. I couldn't possibly describe it.

And now, I'm sure... I couldn't possibly leave it.

I've already told Chris, so I feel alright posting this up here. He's not taking it too well... I'm going to miss his graduation. If I leave France, I'm not sure what the chances of getting another entry visa is... And I already have the things rolling for my Carte de Sejour. I have the french skills to take university here, and music is the same the world 'round...

I'm not coming back to the States. Not anytime soon, at least. Feel free to give your thoughts... Send some love Chris' way.

Things I Eat Part V

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 19:53:16 GMT

Running Tab Whooo!

Breakfast:
1 pain au lait with raspberry jam
1 glass tropical fruit juice
I cut up a pear, but as soon as I cut in to it I saw that it was all brown and nasty =(

Lunch:
Cheese, ham, and potato crepe - http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3385/3346676420_0d1f193280.jpg?v=0 - which actually turned out to be horrifically nasty.
Salad of one tomato and some lettuce with a tablespoon each of olive oil and balsamic. Surprisingly delicious after horrific faux-cheese disaster.

Afternoon:
1 square of coffee mousse filled dark chocolate

Dinner:
Carrot salad
Steamed broccoli
1 individually pre-wrapped personal organic portioned hamburger patty - http://media.telemarket.fr/imgnwprd/009/009196/00919617/00919617-t0.jpg
1 bowl raspberry and strawberry salad

Seeing a theme here...?

Also, damnit I just realized that I bought two things of shampoo instead of one of shampoo and one of conditioner. And I really need to shower tonight. Bother.

Things I Eat Part IV

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 08:07:15 GMT

First, yes, I was writing in Rich Text - they switched the places of my tabs, so that RT automatically came up, and I actually had to DO Something to get to HTML. Well, that's solved at least ^^

Second, crap, I fell asleep without posting this. Well.... Oh well.

THIRD AND MOST IMPORTANT HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANG I LOVE YOU <3

We now continue with our regularly scheduled foods.

Breakfast:
1 pain au lait with raspberry preserves
1 café au lait - no sugar.

Morning:
1 tiny vending machine cappuccino when I got to school
1 tiny vending machine cappuccino at the half way break of school
1 mini Mars bar at the half-way break of school

Lunch:
1 ham and cheese and mustard and lettuce sandwich from the bakery next to the grocery store
1 sugar tarte - http://www.whytraveltofrance.com/images/tarteausucre.jpg - from same bakery - lest I go shopping hungry, you see.

Afternoon:
1 cheese and mustard sandwich
1 café au lait

Dinner:
Tomato salad
Boiled zucchini and carrots
Soy galette - http://www.sports-sante.com/images/bio/galette-tofu-bio.jpg
Bowl of strawberry and raspberry fruit salad

Things I Eat Part III

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 22:03:13 GMT

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-user="chemicalpipit">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

First - Whooooo, I will almost certaintly be visiting Karda in London the weekend of the 27nd! I have been promised mead, welsh lesbian vampire movie, and NO STEAK AND KIDNEY PIE! WHOOOOOOO!! Eurostar tickets will set me back a bit, but you know? I spend no money. I can get by with it. Plus, it's not like I can very well say NO to an opportunity that may never come for a long time for as relatively little expense. WHOOOOOO!!

Second - I really need to have a window open for this thing, because otherwise I worry about forgetting.

Third - Apparently my code is messed up for no good reason. Chris copypasted my post directly in to his journal and it worked. I don't know what's up with mine, but I"ll just skip the code. SO...

Breakfast:
1 coconut yogurt, because <lj-user="ChemicalPipit"> made me want coconut yogurt with her comment :P
1 bit of last night's bread that I cut off the end of the baguette so that Matthis could have soft bread on both ends.

Lunch:
I tried to eat a pear - I have been watching this thing get ripe for DAYS now, sitting there in the bowl. Every so often I checked on it... and today looked like the day! I was so syched! And then... I cut it open... And it was TOTALLY BROWN inside. =(
A good amount of artichoke ravioli - Monday is Pasta Day chez moi, because it is the only day Matthis eats at home
NOW I had my crème au café. Ha.

Afternoon:
1 square of coffee mousse filled chocolate. Note: When I say square, I mean roughly the size of one square of hershey's chocolate broken out of the normal chocolate bars.
1 VERY SMALL INTENTIONALLY SO Slice of chocolate cake left over from Friday Party. I had to enjoy it now, because Marianne will probably decide tonight that it is too old and throw it out. See: bought late Friday afternoon, it is currently late Monday afternoon, and it is a mousse cake en plus. Crazy lady.
1 cafe au lait a little later, along with
1 bit of bread smeared with mustard and a bit of conté cheese on top

Dinner:
1 small portion of carrot salad
1 spoon of leftover white beans cooked with tomatoes
1 individually wrapped sealed packaged portion of organic natural wild salmon, steamed
1 smallish serving - there wasn't much left - of green beans
1 wedge of camembert cheese
1 bowl of mango and strawberry fruit salad

aaaaaaaaaaaand there is my food for the day. Thought: I am going to go this week with no further impetus other than recording to cut down. However, I plan to go NEXT week making ACTIVE CHANGES to my diet, based on that I observe. Science is in my genes, baybee...

Things I Eat Part II

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 19:48:55 GMT

Breakfast:
1 pain au lait (http://www.club-paneo.com/uploads/recette/ALM_pain_au_lait.jpg) that Matthis didn't want - a kind of french sweetish breakfast bread. Mine had no raisins and rock sugar on top, which I scraped off - makes my teeth hurt.
1 café au lait - coffee and milk. I normally add sugar, but for some reason the expresso maker here did something strange, and filled my cup with hot dishwater the first time around. I tossed the water and ran it again, and it worked just fine - but forgot to re-add sugar.
1 sandwich made with baguette and butter and a square of dark chocolate. It was small - maybe the length of my index finger? But delicious.

Lunch:
A few more odd sundried tomatoes...mmmmmmmmmm...
Wild SeaBass cooked with tomatoes and onions, and rosemary, thyme, and bay leaves - unusual
White beans cooked with tomatoes
Bowl of coulis de fraise from Party - that I wouldn't have had, if I had remembered that I would then be having
1 small slice of a chocolate mousse cake in the shape of a giant triangle that they didn't even eat at the party

Afternoon:
1/3 of a chocolate éclair... left over from the friday party
1 square of coffee mousse filled chocolate

Later: 1 more square of coffee mousee filled chocolate...

Dinner:
Ratatouillie
Left over cold seabass from lunch with onions and tomatoes
One slice of smoked salmon
1 coconut yogurt
NOT a coffee cream that I got out and set on the counter, and then looked at it, and then thought about it, and then put back. ^^

AND THAT ENDS MY EETINGS FOR DAY HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT.

Things I Eat Part I

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 20:05:05 GMT

Dinner:
Tagliatelle pasta - damn, I spelled that right! - with leftover citrus veal somethingsomething saucy from last night's Fancy Dinner
3 or 4 sundried tomatoes that had been soaking in olive oil " "
1/4 round soft cheese with fig on the inside
1 bowl leftover fraise coulis from last night's Fancy Dinner
1 miniature orange macaroon " "
1 jar crème á la café

Yeah... I shouldn't have had the cream... but It was quite good. Then again, they are always good... I should start to wean myself off. Tomorrow the first Full Day begins!

Prepare for posts you care nothing at all about.

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 17:08:53 GMT

First - I LIVE!

Umm... Spain was nice ^^ That really is an understatement. I had an amazingly good time. There is a legend that says if you drink from a certain fountain in Barcelona, you will be trapped in to always returning. In my defense, I didn't know about the legend before I drank... But already, I am scheming how I might be able to return before I leave France. I highly doubt it is possible... but I want to..........

Speaking of leaving France, I am down to the <2 months mark. My plane leaves Paris on May 4th, and I get in to JFK on May 5th. I then take the train from NYC to Albany, where Chris meets me at the station =) Things are really winding down a bit. It is hard to get in to the mindset that I will be gone, that I won't be here anymore. I mean, I really WANT to get back to the states. It Is Time. Like when I was a kid, and we would be somewhere, and it would just be That Time. It is Time that I get back. But I will miss the city...

Finally, the main subject of this post - I noticed today that my weight has started to go up again o.o Just a little, little bit, but I need to be LOOSING weight. I have been holding steady at about 70-72 kilos for a while now, but I would really like to be 65 when I leave. 5 kilos is not terribly much for 2 months, and is not inhumanly undoable. I know where the problem is, even - Eating. I have started to be snacking the last few weeks, and I Need To Stop. With this goal in mind, I am going to try something that everyone has recommended to me, but that I don't think I've ever done - I am going to try and write down everything I eat. Eveeerything. Snack, dinner, breakfast, tinny little nomming... And, to keep me honest, I am going to throw it up here. The idea that someone else will notice if I don't is, I think, enough of a motivation that I will actually DO it. I will try and post every day for 1 week, starting right this very second - so expect to know what I ate for dinner later tonight =P Posts will be behind a cut because not everyone cares how I am nourishing my body. This is all.

One more thing - I think that, upon starting up school in the fall, I might steal this idea - http://www.bittershirts.com/thingsihate/

Ponderances on the Media.

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 22:06:01 GMT

One particular issue has gotten me rather up in arms recently - namely, the recent rumblings that the Gov't is going to start allowing media photographer's presence for the return of caskets carrying the remains of US Soldiers killed overseas.

Does nobody else see this as so perverse, the English language as stands lacks the words? The idea is being sold as Paying Honour to the troops, to their families, and to their service. But what does the media care about these lives? Unabashed and unashamed of their actions, they are united to slander everything these brave men and women willingly and gladly gave their lives to. Support our troops? Honour our troops? Support and honour the causes they are fighting for. To these would-be photojournalists, these people are nothing but a political statement, a way to further their personal agendas in the most shocking way possible.

For shame.

http://www.armytimes.com/news/2009/02/military_photos_wardead_021009w/

Football Americain

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 01:31:30 GMT

12:56 AM

The Superbowl has been on for about fifteen minutes - that can be enough for me to understand. The french don't Get football. Footie, soccer, yes, that they get. But in france, Football Americain is little more than a novelty. Their reportage is a halfdozen guys sitting around what I recognize as the 5 o'clock news' table. One MC, a mainstay in all french sports shows, who asks the questions, directs the conversation. One very very large white man in a black jacket, black soul patch, talks like he is a film critic. One skinny black kid with a very very large ring on one finger - collegebowl champs of some sort? And one skinny white guy who is very clearly out of his element.

It's not easy to pay attention to the game, when presented from this very french viewpoint. Comments such as, Oh, look, a flag, something must be wrong..., or yet, Oh wait stop talking, it's going again, my this game goes by fast! sputter in every so often. The uneducated foreigner might understand french french frenchie QUARTERBACK french french frenchity french french SECOND DOWN. Here, we give our gracious thanks to NBC, who has gracefully lent to France their cuts of the footage with the little yellow lines and arrows marked on it.

Behind the commentators, you can see people hanging around, chatting. One of the most striking things is the american flags - EVERYWHERE. The reportage room is more interesting than the little of the game they are showing.

And now, back to the game field, and the steelers have managed themselves a field goal... It dosen't look like we'll see how.

1:09

"On the other hand, Arizona is more like a city that they are more dependent on golf, agriculture, things like that."

1:17

Welcome to the City of Arizona, France.

1:29

... And Ben Rothlisberber - RothlisberGER, pardon - ..

1:47

... BUT I CAN SEE THE GAME RUNNING ON THE BACKGROUND! STOP TALKING ABOUT THE FIGURINES, THE FRENCH. JUST SHOW ME THE GAME.

1:57

And now it is half time, it's half time, so we watch the french again... And oh, the man with the ring is the only frenchman to play in the NFL - played with the Rams. Imagine that.

I am disappointingly falling asleep. I am going to wait for them to tell me - which they still haven't - if that steelers touchdown was good or not. Then, unfortunately, I will sleep. I can see the half time show on the tvs in the background... =(

The French just don't get it.

2:19

Only Bruce Springsteen could end his concert with I"M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!

It dosen't seem they care if the touchdown was good or not - I give up. I am disappointed by the french coverage of my superbowl.

There is something so incredibly touching about one's culture - the things one could never notice but for their absence. Springsteen, on the stage, demanded that we step back from the guacamole dip! Put down the chicken wing! At half past 2 in the morning, in a darkened foyer, with the tv almost muted not to wake anyone up... Somehow, guac and chicken wings couldn't seem further away. The few words of english from the coaches and the player's intro to the halftime - which yes, I finally saw - I clung to, like cherished letters from home.

2:28

And now I sleep, and break my 5 week silence with bitching and moaning. But I'm also going to Barcelona the 14th-21st - News! Whoo! Goodnighty.

Merry Christmas

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 22:33:57 GMT

Note To Self: LJ tomorrow.

Subjects:
Dentist's Appointment
Venice Plans
Christmas Eve Dinner
Christmas Day
College Things
Open Topic

Pick at least 4 of these subjects for a composition of no more than 3,000 words, to be handed in no later than midnight of December 26th.

Merry Christmas, all over the world =)

FURIOUSCAT IS FURIOUS.

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 13:40:51 GMT

I don't know if Furious can even cover the extent of my anger.

So, before I went to France, I went to the dentist. He cleaned my teeths, gave me whitening gel I never used, and filled a pair of cavities that had sprung up.

Flash to about 3 weeks after that, I noticed that my mouth was a little gritty - like there was sand in my food. I asked my mom, she called the dentist, they said that was a normal side effect of the kind of filling they gave me, and not to worry about it. So I didn't.

Flash to about a week ago, I got a kanker sore on the inside left side of my cheek. Like, MASSIVE kankersore. Kankersore so big that it made the entire side of my face hurt.

Yesterday. The kanker sore was getting better, but oddly, that side of my mouth hurt. It was nothing specific, just general OW. I asked Marianne if she would be so kind as to peek inside my mouth, because I thought my wisdom teeth might be coming in. Nothing.

This morning. I decided to take another look, with the flashlight and the mirror, because OW.

Well.

As I am sure you may have already guessed, on the second from the back bottom left side tooth, I no longer have a filling. Instead, I have a LARGE and gaping hole. In my tooth.

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?? I NEED to get this fixed. Gonna call my mom in 20 or so, see what she thinks. Yes, that means spending money, and using Skype, but I am not going to give this a chance to leave me toothless.

Can I sue?

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 13:06:07 GMT

So, I crashed the car again. This wasn't a little thing, like bumping the maserati getting in to the garage, either.

I was going to get train tickets to get Chris and I to Venice for Vacation. It's been snowing, and COLD, as of late. On a round about, that also happened to be suspended bridge style above another road, I started to slide. My rear end went out to my right, and I went in to the left side barrier, passenger side head light first. Little cosmetic damage is done, but the radiator was cracked, so they had to take it to the garage.

I had Marianne the mom on the phone - she spent about 15 minutes yelling at me. YELLING. Like, the police officers there were a little >.> Because I had to hold the phone away from my ear. She insists that there is no ice there. She drove there this morning, it wasn't a bit slippery. She even called someone this morning to ask, and he said no, no ice. It is because I am a bad driver. "Bravo, Ceili, you've really done it this time," she says to me on the phone.

Everyone, even the police and the tow truck man, said that it was unbelievably slippery there. But no - she insists there was no ice, it was my own fault.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do when she gets home. The car is at the garage. They are due home in maybe two hours. I don't know if she'll have calmed down any. Judging from past experiences, it is unlikely.

I found a flight leaving saturday for 787 dollars. I found another one coming here and back for Chris and my vacation in Venice for 823. I would be able to afford that, with a job in the states for a few months. I need to talk to my mom - the deal was, if I bought my ticket out, they would buy the ticket back.

Marianne has been telling me a lot that they would be better off without me. Maybe this is a good enough reason to go back home? I've been counting the days for a long while now. I would rather just be done.

Not looking forward to the tongue lashing I'm getting... wish me luck.

Condition

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 14:56:59 GMT

So, yeah, I pretty much just failed at nanoblopo...mo? I even forget the acronym. *Check: nablopomo* Honestly? I kept passing out at my computer. That's what I get for sleeping with technology...

So, things for me are... alright. I have been having a lot of thoughts. The following is cut for your flist sanity.

So, today, I actually GOT OUT. OMG. Via a web page meetup.com, I found a group going to some sort of film day thing. The general idea I got was that a french "compositeur" was going to pick 6 short films. Now, in french, things that sound like they should be something aren't always something. For example, Director in france is someone who is high up in a large company or political party, where as Realizator is someone who directs movies. So while I thought that it might concern a composer in the english music oriented sense, it was a total toss up.

Turns out, it was in fact a composer in the musical sense, and the morning turned out to be AMAZING. We basically watched the 5 short films that he had done the music for, starting with the first one - Mille Morceaux ( http://ftvdb.bfi.org.uk/sift/title/637724 ) he ever scored, then L'étoile manquante, ( http://www.cinezik.org/critiques/affcritiquefilm.php?titre=etoile_manquante ) A cause d'elles, ( http://en.unifrance.org/movie/28311/a-cause-d-elles ) Candidature, ( http://www.citwf.com/film51965.htm ) and La partie de tennis - a film in which Grégoire Hetzel, the composer featured, was exactally half the actors - the other half being Camille de Toledo, the director.

They were all - except for A cause d'Elles, which was, everyone agreed, very stupid - EXCELLENT films, expecially Candidature, which I'm going to try and find a copy of, and everyone should see them. But that wasn't what really got me - the best part of this entire morning was that we were able to listen, in a really pure tangible way, to the evolution and development of this composer's musical voice. He was there - along with all of the directors - and to hear him talk was really enlightening. He said that the first movie was mostly scored in the classroom with the students chattering in the background while he should have been grading papers, except for a 3 minute piano segment where he just sat down at about 3 in the morning with a mic and played. It was... Impossible to describe, amazing.

The last film was one that he didn't do the music for, but he wanted to play anyway, entitled Lisa ( http://www.psfilmfest.org/festival/film/detail.aspx?id=19998&FID=37 ) And it was... Interesting. The fascinating thing is, French arthouse films have always been, to my perception, a bit of a joke. In black and white, with strange far-reaching metaphors and bizarre plots that nobody can make any sense of... Lisa was just one of those films. However, the french mentality really does have an incredible lot to do with it. In understanding better the french, I can understand better the ideas and concepts so poetically - see: loosely - illustrated in the stereotypically french theatre. I'm not saying it's the best short ever, but it certaintly made a difference in my comprehension of the ideas.

By the way, Veez, I have no idea if you read my LJ or not - You're on my flist, but as I never comment, I more just kindof stalk you like 80% of the people on my flist.... If you ever need music.... well... I now come with a pedigree. ^^

So, I listen to BBC radio in my car. It is something that I can listen to without thinking about it, because I want to be paying attention to driving, and if it was french radio I would have to be Thinking. They said something yesterday morning that absolutely shattered me to the core, and I"m still thinking about it.

The BBC absentmindedly reported that some people believed that the US was starting to crumble, as a global superpower and as a local governing entity. Not just crack a little bit - think the fall of Ancient Rome. Nobody says that we are always going to be a Superpower. What does the future hold for my country, that separation of time and distance has rendered wordlessly dear to me? Invaded by savages? Nobody says the national lines can't be redrawn. This comment was made in relation to the deal currently up to give a monetary lifeline to the American auto industry - regarding the current economical crisis. When writing out, it seems silly. It seems like my pessimistic What Ifs are overwhelming. But... With China and India rising up in the world, the European Union fortifying itself in bureaucracy for the long haul, will the United States remain as it has been for the past almost 250 years?

I don't know how much sense that makes - it is hard to put the thoughts to words. I'll just leave it that, but feel free to put in your 2c.

By the way - yesterday was November 21st. My plane got in at 11:05 AM on May 21st at Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris. I have been in France for six months. Less than that to go... I will be glad, at the end, to come home.

awwww crap.

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 22:27:51 GMT

I haven't been updating every day. I have been working a LOT recently, and as a result, have been passing out at my comp.

Today, I found the most perfect bag. I am still hauling around my computer bag - the big black one - and Need Bag. And I found it! Perfect colour! Perfect shape/size! Only 22 euro! But what's this? A 20 E note in my wallet, and nothing else at all??? I just hope it's still there on Tuesday........

Whooops!

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:43:17 GMT

I fell asleep last night, with this written up, but never posted. Like, had my glasses on, with my hand on the keyboard, woke up from passed out dead several hours later. Sooooooo...

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so... Open them fullsize, you will see what I mean better.

http://flickr.com/photos/21924616@N05/3022511379/
http://flickr.com/photos/21924616@N05/3022513739/
http://flickr.com/photos/21924616@N05/3022515053/

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 22:48:24 GMT

damnit damnit must lj.

tomorrow resolution: LJ by 10 pm.

there.

exhausted.

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 21:40:44 GMT

i. am. exhausted.

Today I went with The Family on a tour of Montmartre. I have no idea how to spell that, and you can google it yourselves if you want. I saw where PIccaso lived from 1904 to 1912. That was basically the highlight. I saw the Moulin de la Galette that Renoir painted partying. I saw the Moulin Rouge. I saw Le Chat Noir. I saw the Cemetary de Montmartre. And then I saw Sacre Coeur. We were only in for long enough to buy things, because Matthis had to go to the bathroom. Then we took more than two hours to drive, in theory, 35 minutes.

I need to clarify something from my last entry - I said something along the lines of, thanks to everyone that commented, and I know that there are people who read and didn't comment, and that's terrible. I was trying to be funny and reference THIS.

http://img128.imageshack.us/img128/6838/luthormotivationalkf3.jpg

It was meant to be a joke, but I was easily just as exhausted then as I am now, and not only did it not come across right, but I am currently too exhausted to explain it properly. Just take it that I meant nothing negative even in a little way, it was supposed to be funny, and I loose at humor, and leave it at that.

and now.

i sleep.

x_x

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 22:02:54 GMT

AIM IM with Danny 11/7/08 9:55 PM

Danny: *Hugs*
Me:?
Danny: Your LJ was being emo.
Danny :So you get hugs!
Me: I should be emo more often then

All my love to everyone that commented yesterday, and even to those that didn't see. But I know that some of you read and decided to say nothing, and that's terrible.

Regarding my concave passenger door, that's the only thing in the post from yesterday not fixed. Day well done, I need sleep.

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 15:59:49 GMT

I have hurt everyone that loves and cares about me most. My mom isn't talking to me right now. Chris won't be talking to me after I have a chance to talk to him. I almost destroyed Matthis' belief in Santa Clause day before yesterday, and permanently lost Marianne's trust. I feel like the few friends I have, I am nothing but a burden to. All week, I have done nothing but cry, and when I stopped, I hurt someone else, and when I had done that, I started to cry again. And now my car will need to have it's passenger door replaced, because I smashed it in to the Maserati while backing in to the garage. I have strong doubts as to whether or not I will be able to remain here, and even stronger doubts as to whether I will be accepted anyplace else.

I suppose that counts as my entry for today.

Awwww crap.

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 23:09:05 GMT

Well, it's 12:07, so I guess I loose.

Today nobody was around, because the family is at disneyworld for the day/night/day. I went out and bought me junk food. I eat junk food so rarely. I bought me a pizza and egg rolls and a can of dr pepper that I found in the american foods aisle. It was too much food, and I knew it, but it was enjoyed anyway.

Class tomorrow, must sleep.

ShitshitshitS

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 22:59:42 GMT

11:53 - that's the wrong direction!

It is a strange feeling, watching all the celebrations over Obama's victory. First, the time will come when I invite people to take a stab at my politicks - this is not the time. For the time, I will say that I am a Republican, I voted for McCain, and leave it at that.

It is strange, because everyone just assumes, de facto, that Everyone Loves Obama! Twitter, facebook, lj... Everywhere is proclaiming, YES WE CAN. I can't bring myself to remind them that they're in mixed company. I suppose that someone has to loose - is this where those elementary school lessons on gracious winners come in?

Must post, no more time. More later, feel free to comment.

An Outside View

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:17:34 GMT

So, Finally, I decided not to go to the parisian election parties. The one thing that tipped me over the edge? People are going to be drinking. Basically, the situation was like this - there are all night parties in france, and they are going to be broadcasting the results of the election live. A bunch of expat bars are having Parties, and are open all night. The first problem? I have to drive to the train station, and then park my car, and they close the parking lot of the grocery store where I need to park from between 10 PM and 8:30ishwhenever AM the next morning - so it would be stuck. Second problem is that the Metro stops running about 1:30, so wherever in town I am when that happens, I am stuck THERE. Third problem is the drinking....... So I opted out. I'm sure it would be an Experience, but I will follow it on the french tv live all night tonight - I feel better about pulling an all-nighter here than Elsewhere.

Also, today I saw my Uncle Wayne, who is easily my very very very very favourite uncle ever, and my mommy's little brother. He and his wife Devin have been in Paris all week due to his job, and leaving tomorrow morning. We finally managed to get together today... I really love my uncle =) He had long black hair, tattoos, actor, big black leather booths, the whole nine yards. He also works with video streaming in Intel. He streamed Stephen Hawking live once ^^ We went to the Parisian Catacombs. It seemed like the sort of thing that they would like, and I was right. After was lunch, and then an all-too-soon goodbye. It has been... How long since I saw him? Almost a year now, for Christmas. He and Devin came out to see us at my grandma's house for Christmas, and have sworn that they will never ever again pass Christmas there, due to the travel issues. It made me really happy to see him again =)

Hey, it's even before 10:30! I'd say I'm doing better...

Bother

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 22:50:22 GMT

Well, this time it's only 11:42?

Tomorrow, I am going to meet up with my Uncle Wayne and his wife Devin, some of my very very favourite people. Devin makes masks for Cirque de Solei, and Wayne is a high-up-something at Intel concerning web streaming. They have been in Paris for about a week, but working. However, tomorrow, we are getting together for lunch, and then a tour of the parisian catacombs. Not like, tour tour, but it's open to the public in parts. It is the sort of thing they would like to do.

... Is that enough of a post to count? I don't think so.......

I am also considering going out tomorrow night for the Election. It is being broadcast live on france tv - see, from like 1 AM to 5 AM - and a couple of places are doing Events for it. Most notable is Harry's Bar, a famous American Hang Out since 1911 - also rather expensive. Another is the 3eme arrondissement, the Marais, is having an American Night that runs all night, and that one has breakfast.

On the other hand, there are no less than 46 seperate and independent Glorious Obama Celebratory of his Victory Parties all over Paris. And not one for McCain. Not one.

Not that I have anything against the Democrats Abroad, but a fox walking in to a henhouse won't exactally be welcomed. That's right - Obama followers are hens. Gooses, too, if you care for it. Ahh, namecalling... The last refuge of the Politically Correct. That is, Correct in Politics.

... It is late, and the entire subject makes me sore. Let me be childistically antagonistic. And NOW I think that counts as entry enough. True to NaNoWriMo form, I am ignoring all content, going only for blunt quantity. It's the American way.

AHH

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:44:30 GMT

I will not be defeated on only the second day. Also, I seriously need to not leave this off until 11:27 PM anymore. Yesterday, as I spend all day Occupied, I had an excuse. Today... I'm just lazy.

Nothing much happened to me today... I slept in for the first time in AGES. Glorious glorious sleeping in, how I cherish it.

Here is something I can talk about. I have, of late, been feeling the desire to DO SOMETHING. Something big and long and involved and spectacular that, when I am done, I will have Something to show for it. I want a Project. Furthermore, I just now figured out why - I am starting to finish settling in to a pretty stableish, regularish routine around here. I can expect and anticipate things, I know What's Up... etc. Now that I am not concerned with every last single tiny thing - although lots of things still concern me - I have the leisure to turn my thoughts otherwheres.

I am incredibly certain that this want of Project is, in actuality, every last want, longing, and desire that used to be utterly and wholly satisfied by the presence of Music in my life. It has now been more than 18 months since I have been in regular musical contact, and it was more than six years - from May 5th grade to June 12th grade - straight and nonstop before that. It has not been easy. In the beginning, I had withdrawals. There was a lot of things that Music was to me - companion, intellectual sparring partner, solace, insurmountable foe, familiar neighbor type, source of eternal and boundless drama... It was hard for me to get used to looking for it, and knowing it wouldn't be there. I realize this is getting a bit esoteric, but bear with me.

Another thing. I am actually more than a mite bit concerned as to how I will take to picking it back up again when I get back to the States. I plan to either buy or rent, but in some other way secure my own instrument. I need to get myself, physically, in to the same condition that I was when I finished high school. Few people realize the physical nature of expecially brass instruments, expecially expecially tubas. If not for the facial muscle development I will be looking at, then for the finger dexterity - imagine having no access to a keyboard for two years, and then trying in three months to get your speed up to where it should be, and then better after that. Something like that. It really does concern me, because I will have only the summer to prepare myself, and after that, I really will be throwing myself in to the thick of it - I want to be able to hold things together.

But that still dosen't solve my desire for something Projectish. Knitting right now is mostly taken up by Christmas, so there is little relief in that direction, and even if it wasn't, I want something... Different. I want something detail oriented and time consuming that when I'm done, I can stand back and say There. Matthis, his mom, and I started yesterday on these Christmas gelatin things - sticky translucent gel designs that you can stick on windows for light to shine through, comes in these squeeze tubes like glitter glue, and you draw designs on a clear piece of plastic. No idea how well that's described, but anyway. We were doing that, and I was totally obsessed with it. You have to draw the outlines first, and let them dry, and then do the coloured bits on the inside, and I SERIOUSLY want to finish mine. I was thinking, like, Can I keep going WITHOUT them? Because it's kindof a kid's project...

Anyway. Something I am looking for Something, and I don't know what it is, but expect that I would know when I find it. Anyone have any input? Feel free to offer.